The Theory of Evolution versus the Books for Dummies

In 1859, Charles Darwin published his book On the Origin of Species relating to his theories of evolutionary biology and natural selection.  The theory of evolution states individuals less suited to the environment are less likely to survive and less likely to reproduce; individuals more suited to the environment are more likely to survive and more likely to reproduce and leave their inheritable traits to future generations, which produces the process of natural selection.  Natural selection, the key component of evolution, is the process where biological traits become more or less common in a species due to consistent effects upon the survival or reproduction of their bearers.  Now that you are all up to speed with Darwinism, we can move forward with my argument.


For millions of years, Earth has witnessed species develop, and either flourish or fail.  (Note: This will not be a discussion on evolution vs. creationism.  I will save that for another day)  In order for a species to survive with the ever-changing environments, climates, etc, it must adapt.  These adaptations can be a change in behavior or as advanced as a cellular mutatation (natural selection) allowing the plant or animal to exist.


Humans are one of the best examples of evolution.  According to scientists, the human species is a descendant of hominids, great apes and mammals.  The development of speech, domestication and the recent exponential growth of technology are just a few examples of how humans have evolved to adapt to their environments.


Within modern society, it is survival of the fittest.  The star quarterback gets the cheerleader, the smart kid gets the MIT scholarship and the CEO gets the bonus.  The dumb, poor, weak and socially inept were doomed to fail at life until some asshole created a book to help these people....

Now, people that were too stupid to use a computer, plant a garden or perform basic math are not dying off as evolution planned.  The books for morons are throwing off the eternal balance of the world.  The human race now doesn't fight to exist, it simply goes to the nearest Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com.    It is no longer survival of the fittest, but instead, survival of the "smart enough to read a book for idiots."  While researching, I found one titled Evolution for Dummies which I found to be amusingly ironic.  The group meant to succeed is unfortunately tarnished with cheaters who can now build a better life by learning backgammon, auto repair or how to train beagles.

My Father: The Blogger

During a conversation on Sunday, my uncle mentioned he enjoyed reading my posts.  My response to him was, "It's a forum or medium for anyone with something to say.  If you can bullshit, you can blog."  That made me realize my father would have been the world's greatest blogger.  He was the King of Bullshit.

Dad took bullshitting to a new level. To him, it was artform. He was the Michelangelo of gab. Anyone who had ever spent time with him or speaking on the phone, knows it was never an abbreviated task.  He took his time, savored his words and relished in the laughter of his jokes.  He was often jealous of my ability to speak Spanish because it means I can bullshit in two languages.

His name was Kevin Barnes, but everyone called him "KB."  He needn't waste time with pleasantries and proper names when conversation was to be had.  He wanted to delve into the matter of the day, whether it be what he had for breakfast or his latest money-making scheme.  The phone calls waited to begin at 8am every morning in order to be polite to his audience.  He may have been up earlier but would allow them to sleep in.  He had several "regulars" with whom he spoke daily.  Mike, Brett, Pete and Ellen were the muses for his creations.  Other friends and family members sprinkled sporadically throughout generally rounded out the week.  He wore a headset while talking otherwise it took up too much time to accomplish anything else.  I have many memories of him in pajamas with the phone attached to his hip, headset on and making breakfast for my brother and I.

I wish we could've put some of his stories into written form.  His delusions of grandeur could capture any audience.  My friends always remind me about his most infamous stories like where he claimed to be a hashish tester for the Israeli Mossad.  This makes absolutely no sense but he made you believe it with his conviction.  Whether fact, fiction, political or satire, dad would have enthralled his readers.  He would've been an amazing blogger with the ability to format anything into an entertaining piece.  KB could've hunted and pecked the keyboard to spin literary gold.

I have tears streaming from my face as I write this, blurred texts from the welling in my eyes.  I would give anything to have one more inane conversation about what he plans to have for lunch, his newest hair-brained attempt at a fast buck or to hear that knee-slapping laugh.  But instead, I will sit sobbing in front of my computer screen knowing he is in Heaven talking the angel's ears off.

It is with great pride and pain in my heart that I award my father's theoretical blog posthumously with a Pulitzer for what would have been masterful bullshit.

American Protesters are Pussies!

Those protesters in Wisconsin have nothing on the people in Egypt or Libya.  America needs to step up its public demonstration game.  To use a celebrity analogy, we are the Lindsay Lohan to their Charlie Sheen.  Where is our coke and hooker fueled rage?


We are sticks in the mud.  We are vanilla.  We are white picked fences and borrowing sugar from a neighbor.  They are running around the city square in Adidas pants and soccer jersey "uniforms", throwing rocks at police and blowing shit up.  When is the last time your child was atop a tank?




Our protests consist of orderly fashion, police barricades and sitting down. We have shoeless hippies lounging around hoping for change.    Our placards might as well say "pretty please" on them.  With a cherry on top?

 Their protests kill people! It involves rebel forces, militias, and cities being overrun.  I want some of that (not the killing part).  But let's have some fun with this.  I mean, we have a few shitty cities to spare.  I found this video as an example of what happens over there even though I think it was only to celebrate the grand opening of a Pinkberry.


The new trend in America is the group of protesters touring the country like a bunch of deadheads going from one military funeral to another.  But still, no fire hoses, no police dogs, no smoke bombs, nothing.  It's just a bunch of assholes disrespecting the deceased.


If the squeaky wheel gets the grease why haven't we turned to violence? Let's put the government back onto their heels.  There isn't fight or flight because these pussies do not pose a threat.

We need to have more gooder language.

Not for nuthin' but its about time for America to have more gooder language skills.  The government and education systems aint been stressing the importance of following it's guidelines.

We are way more dumber then other countries.  Than, when we compare state to state we can also see huge friggin' differences.  I'm just saying that when you get down to it, we have more inane speech hear then other industrial countries to.  The majority of our language is taken up by "fillers" like, "at the end of the day" or "whatever."

I seen alot of bad grammar all over the tv's and website's.  Since the internet became mainstream, proper speech has reduced to abbreviations and "text type."  I'm like, OMG, where did this all come from?  Parents aren't stressing the importance of education to there children.  Their not checking on homework and they're are alot of parents who dont monitor there children on the internet.

It makes me LOL when I listen to a moron whose glorified on the television for debauchery, womanizing, loose morals, etc.  It be time we no longer be swept, or is it sweeped, away in making life easier.  We should take pride in speaking, writing and living properly.


NOTE:  Author isn't actually this stupid, but simply demonstrating a point.


Schools no longer teach phonetics, grammar or emphasize spelling.  Correction, they no longer focus directly on these subjects, but instead, use context hoping children grasp the concepts.  "Whole language" along with parental apathy, increases in class size and the general "I need it now" attitude toward life are all causing a downgrading of standards.

Texting, instant messaging and the Internet in general have abbreviated the English language.  My third grade teacher would roll in her grave, assuming she's dead, if she ever saw me use contractions, abbreviations or not write in cursive.

I witnessed a classmate in a graduate course utilize "gonna" during his final presentation without anyone else noticing or blinking an eye at it.  In the first part of this blog I overtly placed a generalization of the mistakes, idiotic cliches and pet peeves to demonstrate the downward trending of common English.  I apologize to your teachers and have endless amounts for pity if you didn't notice them.

As a former Spanish teacher, I used English as a grammatical reference.  Too often, I was stunned to discover students who were unable to identify parts of speech.  These are verbs, nouns, adjectives, etc for those of you who can't.

The people I am directing this blog at are the same who need to buy a vowel on "Wheel of Fortune" before they solve the puzzle.  Are you fucking kidding me??? Only vowels are left!  You just paid to prove to the audience that you're an idiot.

At the end of it all, I'm just gonna say, "whatever." TTYL

I fear the "Idiocracy" Prophecy is beginning to ring true.

As I watch television, read periodicals and gather my information via other reputable sources such as the Internet, I come to the conclusion the plot from "Idiocracy" is becoming a case of art reflecting reality.

For those of you not familiar with the cinematic gold of "Idiocracy" I have shared a link so that you may understand where I am coming from.  Idiocracy Intro.  In this movie, Luke Wilson is cryogenically frozen and wakes up hundreds of years later to discover he is now the smartest person on the planet.  Through years of de-evolution, humankind has lost IQ and cognitive skills.  I hope not, but am beginning to fear, this is all coming true.  I am speaking of the intelligence part, not the cryogenics...(For Ted Williams’ sake).  I will also leave the theory of evolution and natural selection for another time.

I was inspired to write this blog entry after watching an interview of Aaron Sorkin where he stated,

 "I have a big problem with people who glamorize dumbness and demonize education and intellect."

Once upon a time, I can remember when New Jersey was the butt of many jokes.  Now, I can't watch television without seeing some schmuck from Jersey making millions for acting like an asshole.  We have game shows where adults are not as smart as fifth graders and where you can win a million dollars shaking your ass with a box of ping pong balls attached--  Junk in the Trunk

Celebrities, people who are celebrated, are constantly in the news for DWI’s, rehab, hookers, theft, divorce, crotch-shots and whatever else TMZ can find a video clip of.  When is it my turn to have a reality program?  Oh wait, I don't have 8 kids, a drug problem or an insane bridezilla of a fiance.

With so much at our fingertips, solutions so readily available and instant everything, we no longer have to work for information or invest in learning something.  With life becoming simpler, so are we.  Students are no longer asked to learn formulas, grammar or memorize scientific data unless it falls into context.  When was the last time you had to remember a phone number instead of looking into your contact list?  You don't think this is causing an overwhelming drop in cognitive levels?  

We have people like those found in this website, www.peopleofwalmart.com, voting politicians into office.  Doesn't it scare you how close that hokey from Alaska made it to the White House??  Sarah Palin may be one of the ultimate glamorizations of dumbness.  I need someone smarter than me leading the way, not someone whose catchphrases can easily be imitated on SNL.

A juxtaposition of 1950-1960's television with today's will display a huge drop in morality and values.  All I'm asking is we pick up a book, read the NY Times instead of the Post and realize the downward path this country's culture is taking.

Why not?? If Amy Adams can do it, why can't I?

I have been toying with the idea of blogging for several weeks since watching the movie, "Julie & Julia."  Yes, I watched the movie with my fiance and actually enjoyed it.  I realized I have quite a bit to say and began to indulge on my thoughts.  I love listening to myself speak, so why wouldn't others?

As a personal trainer, I keep my clients occupied with exercise and extensive conversations.  I am now entertaining the thought of putting my conversations and life experiences into written form for my pleasure and hopefully yours.

Am I looking for fame and fortune? A book deal? Adoration and millions of twitter fans? Yes.  Who isn't?

So I thought, "Where to begin?"  I have opinions on politics, religion, economy, education, etc.  Any idiot with Internet access can convey their message but I hope to be an enlightening idiot.  I look forward to sharing my views of the world and I hope you enjoy reading my future posts.